Amy Winehouse - Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow
Amy Winehouse - Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow
Happy Birthday to me!
I hate when people use LOL improperly. If I say “Congratulations on your engagement, you and your fiancé make a beautiful couple,” “Thanks LOL” is not an appropriate response. It makes me think I said something stupid. Did I say something stupid?
I keep finding myself with men that I should want to be with. Good, responsible and honest men. Men of integrity with an endangered work ethic. I want to want them so badly. I’ve grown tired of changing the subject when they tell me how much they miss me. There is a man that misses me now, and I desperately want to miss him too. It’s not that I’m not attracted to him, I’m attracted to him in every way that is beyond my control. But I hold on to my emotions. I’ve been abandon too many times and I’m afraid he’ll leave me too so I hold on to my feelings. One day he’ll realize his love is unrequited and he’ll leave. And I’ll realize it’s self fulfilling prophecy.
He’s always bilingual. Broke, but pursing a liberal arts degree. Wants to be a professor someday. Wants to know how exotic I am. Wants to know how many countries, how many continents he can check off if I give him the pleasure of letting him fuck me. Wants me to feel special, yet replaceable. Everything I want, nothing I need. I won’t do this to myself again.
Sometimes I feel like my life is like a treadmill. Like I’m doing all the work, yet staying in the same place. I’m exhausted, frustrated, and in need of change.
All I want to do is travel the world and write about it all. I want people to feel interconnected through my words. I believe a good story reminds us all of how human we are.
But that isn’t realistic, is it? I feel there is a great divide between who I am and who I should be. That divide is the heavy load upon my back.
I can’t wait for the news trucks the leave this town. I’m ready for things to feel normal again.